A Baker’s Dozen…And Then Some
You should know by now from my ‘Chuck Seniorisms by the Dozen’ Part I and watching the show Billions that Charles Rhoades Sr., often referred to simply as Senior, is played by the extraordinary actor Jeffrey DeMunn. Senior oozes a noble, high-born conviction with not so subtle hints of a slime ball undercurrent magnified by his Bob Barker mischievous smirk.
Senior is an Upper East Side grand master and epitome of the WASP elite who went to Yale and was a Whiffenpoof. He’s a member of the Yale Club of New York, stores his cigars at Nat Sherman Tobacco Lounge, although in season three he tells Wendy he’s cleaning out a walk-in closet of his prodigal son’s trivial prep school trophies to make room for a humidor, and hangs around with the likes of pals named Tate Tappan and Stuckey Brown, and rubs elbows with Kingmakers named Black Jack Foley.
When asked about working on the show Billions in a recent interview with TV blog Cleveland.com, DeMunn said, “It’s an amazing company. I tell you, during the table reads for this show, I just sit there taking it in. We have a table read with each new script, and I just look at all that talent sitting around that table and think about how fortunate I am.”
He continues, “I just love working with Paul. I think we had done a reading for a play many years ago, but we didn’t know each other. We really met on this and it was love at first sight. We get the scripts, look around, and both pinch ourselves.”
In season three we see Senior still vying for Junior to achieve a Governor candidacy for the great state of New York and will stop at nothing short of making it happen, even if it means he and Kingmaker pal Black Jack visit a dominatrix den to bust Junior’s childish enthusiasms. Senior warns Black Jack about Wendy, “Careful Black Jack, she might give ya a crack across the ass.” Nothing can curtail Senior from ensuring his stud Junior prevails at the proverbial Belmont Stakes of Governorship when he says, “So tomorrow we are gonna get this horse into the goddamn race!” But we all know how that turned out, don’t we?
Senior is an opportunistic bastard, but regardless, we love him and his sarcastic puns. He can throw the best shade with his savage jabs and antiquated advice. So without further ado, here are my favorite Chuck Seniorisms by the baker’s dozen, and then some.
Number 1: “Why would I ever give a shit about his third place squash trophy from prep school? If he’d won, maybe I’d put it on the mantel.” – Episode 3
Senior, the proud dad.
Number 2: “Brace a man while he’s grooming himself, hope the intimacy makes him feel vulnerable. An admirable tactic, Bryan. You must think I’m a physical moron. That’s Victorian for retard, understand? You want me to testify against my son, at my peril, and you don’t even tender the reach-around of immunity?” – Episode 4
Senior knows when to walk away from a deal if he’s not going to get groped in the locker room.
Number 3: “You played those heart strings like Orpheus. To no avail. And on this hallowed ground, the site of my greatest conquests, you have the impertinence to show your weakest self.” – Episode 4
Ya can’t charm the pants off Senior if you invade his Alma Mater looking and sounding feeble.
Number 4: “Connecticut Hall. I fucked three girls in there once in a 24-hour period. One in the can!” – Episode 4
Senior teaching Sonny how to charm the pants off sexual conquests, 101.
Number 5: (about Aids and doing it in the can) “Wouldn’t have stopped us. Fact that it stopped your generation says it all. We forged ahead, damn the torpedoes!” – Episode 4
Captain Senior, going down with his ship.
Number 6: “I’m proud of you son. You did what was required…fucked me good. Damn the torpedoes.” – Episode 4
Senior teaching Junior about The Godfather-how family members mark each other for death.
Number 7: “I would have thought that my son trained you better than to rely on emotion when only true fortitude will get the job done. You have my statement, Buckaroo!” – Episode 4
Senior teaching Bryan about The Godfather. You don’t rat, even with immunity on the table.
Number 8: “Don’t tell the kids anything until the verdict is announced. And NEVER let them see your shame. Bearing, son, is all.” – Episode 6
Senior teaching Junior never to put inadequacies on public display.
Number 9: “I told her she’d seen enough of the world and I’d had enough nights alone, it was time for her to be back where she belongs.” – Episode 8
Senior keepin’ the missus in place.
Number 10: “I now know the only way you could avoid stepping on your dick is if I’d made them cut it off in that birthing room.” – Episode 8
Threat of botched circumcision is an effective parenting/disciplinary tactic. You should try it.
Number 11: “I’ve always said monogamy is a form of socialism. It’s testosterone redistribution so a few bucks don’t keep all the does to themselves.“– Episode 11
Senior teaching Junior about the birds and the bees…and deer?
Number 12: “You give a marriage seven years before you even entertain the notion of a divorce. From the day the Dorsey Brothers showed that Presley boy swiveling his hips, there’s been a slow but steady erosion of the family. Well, here is how you keep one going: you find a group of friends better than you, find one worse, bitch about them to each other, and then when you’re all bitched out, run ten miles a day. Take your birth control pills and flush ‘em, and make that kid your project together. And if Ira doesn’t know how to fuck you, you teach him. I’m not done. One more thing. Give yourself the lime test. You stick your finger in lime juice and put it up inside and if it stings, get yourself cleaned out. Do not bring the clap home to your husband-it’s uncivil.” – Episode 11
Senior, the marital counselor and Planned Parenthood adviser.
Number 13: “Ira doesn’t want or need another divorce. He needs a wife who’s broken in and since he can’t break her, I’ll do it for him.” – Episode 11
Senior knows that like a horse, a woman’s loyalty greatly depends on the type of training she receives-to follow her husband out of respect is much more enjoyable than following out of fear. *face palm*
HONORABLE MENTION: “So it’s not concupiscence, it’s menschkeit. I’m even prouder. I could stay, in an advisory capacity.” – Episode 11
Senior respecting sonny’s honor and character.
BEST OF THE REST:
“The boy will be looked after.” – Episode 4
Senior will step in and raise the ‘he who shall not be named’ grandchild.
“Make your man do what you want him to do, not what’s good for him-the object of any worthwhile contest. Better to play fast and aggressive with inferiormateriel, than let them be exposed later.” – Episode 12
Senior throwing down some B-school, 101.
And there you have it folks, a baker’s dozen of seniorisms and then some. We must bring this party to an end, and as Senior stated, “Well isn’t that a shame…a real goddamn shame.” (ep4). I certainly look forward to more seniorisms in season four!