We continue to award our Most Valuable Players for Billions season five in a compilation post called the ‘Billions MVP Fanbook,’ which commemorates all those in honor of achievement for the utmost brazen, uber shameless, ultra scheming, unmatched bad asses to date – from sports references, music and tasty food to pop culture remarks, shocking twists and ultimate paybacks. In case you missed it, here are the MVPs for episode one, episode two, episode three, episode four, and episode five.
Let us continue with that tradition as we award our Most Valuable Players (MVPs) this week. Here are the Billions MVP awards for Season 5, Episode 6, “The Nordic Model.”
Lots of ‘feelers’ from this episode, from Ocean’s 11 with the whole art switcharoo fakery, to Homeland and Sideways. Let’s begin.
The Homeland Reversal Award – Axe for watching Wendy on video and live cam from his computer that was set up on his living room coffee table while sitting on his couch all night and into the early morning hours – it was like a flashback of Carrie watching Brody from her couch in the same exact way!!
Perfect Song Choice – Perfect song choice for the final scene and overall theme of this episode goes to When I Paint My Masterpiece, written by Bob Dylan and performed by The Band. “She promised she’d be there with me when I paint my masterpiece.” How apropos.
Supreme Spyros – This newly minted Mensan was screaming in delight like a pre-teen girl when she makes the cheer squad after he received his acceptance letter and membership pin. And look at the big brains on Dudley! We all know the true Mensa member of the group is really Mafee.
Oh, how about that question on Spyros’ Mensa Admissions Test, Which of the following is NOT like the others: a) Pulley b) Axe c) Screw d) Lever? b, Axe! Love that little Easter egg.
Premiere Pablo Picasso Award – Todd Krakow when he said, “For the original glamour shot, sure. But none of that Cubist bullshit. I don’t want my left eyeball next to my nut sack.”
Ultra Retort by a Sovereign – Axe, when he regarded himself as King. Chuck spots Axe’s bottle of Château Haut-Brion and says, “I’ve always wanted to taste this vintage. It’s King of wines, wine of Kings…” To which Axe retorts, “Why it’s my house red!” I’ll drink up some Château Axelrod any day.
Most Unexpected Cameo – Miles the oenophile from the movie Sideways, played by Chuck Rhoades. Miles is still doing his best to teach a bit about the art of appreciating great wine.
Best Line – Todd Krakow about Axe’s bank charter, “Axe, if it were up to me you’d have ATMs in every ass crack.”
Creepiest Scotch Tape Violator – Sypros. That finger. That rubbing finger. I felt sorry for the tape.
Prominent Invader of Personal Space – Bobby Axelrod
And not once but twice.
Axe first violates Wendy’s privacy by pulling out the drawing Tanner made of her that morning and immediately gets sarcastic:
“You posed for this? Or was it from memory?”
It is certainly none of his business and having seen him making a clumsy move on Wendy back in Episode 4 Opportunity Zone I clearly see his jealousy in his sarcasm.
And it gets worse as jealousy turns into obsession. Axe has probably told Hall that he needed access to the building cameras to check how much time Tanner spends in the studio. But he is actually using his access to check how much time Wendy is spending at Tanner’s. This is SICK.
Look at him, Axe treats the live camera as a TV show to binge – he is even having his dinner in front of the screen – and stays awake the entire night to catch the moment Wendy leaves the building. I am lost for words.
Most Appetizing Food – Red Farm’s Pac-Man Dumplings
It is not only the fact that they are YUMMY but also the sad fact I have not been able to have them for more than three months now, I cannot tell you how much I crave for Red Farm‘s Pac-Man Dumplings as soon as DA Gramm is served them at the restaurant’s Upper West Side branch – which is literally a stone’s throw from our NYC apartment.
The dumplings, which look like the ghosts in Pac-Man, are definitely a crowd-pleaser putting a smile on everyone’s faces and I have seen many people deciding to order them upon seeing the dish being served at the next table! And notice that even though they are all shrimp dumplings, they have different colors thanks to their specific flavors: shrimp and bamboo shoots, shrimp and crab, shrimp and yellow leeks, and shrimp, pickled ginger and hot pepper. Bon Appetite!
Most Eligible Bachelor – Mafee
Well, he is very cute but it turns out he also has the brains exactly I like them! 😀 Mafee is a certainly a true Mensan – the speed with which he is able to answer the test questions is beyond impressive! And, moreover, he seems to be my soulmate since – the nerd-y girl that I am – I live for this kind of brain teasers! And I have to brag that I yelled “48!” at my TV screen before Mafee typed 48 for Problem 6.
Best Business Proposal – Bobby Axelrod
“The freezer section. We start there. Best frozen pie ever. Then the sauce. Gelato. We roll out the complete line. The whole Una food experience — but at home.”
If you have ever had pizza at Chef Anthony Mangieri’s Una Pizza Napoletana, you know what Axe is talking about. Finally, Bobby Axelrod makes a business proposal that would benefit millions of people. And I am in!
Deliciously Wicked Win – Taylor Mason
Oscar whom I have known as a successful venture capitalist and a decent human being turns out to be as obsessed over winning as the others in the financial world – especially when he is competing against Axe and Taylor in closing a deal! And hats off to Taylor for beating Oscar, with a little help from Hard Bob, at his own game! Move over Langstraat, Al Davis is dead, Raiders has not won a title for decades, and there is a new impact fund in town!
“(Almost) Hand-in-Waistcoat” Award – Todd Krakow
But of course!
The walking Napoleon Complex of Billions poses like Napoleon Bonaparte for his portrait. Yeah it is not exactly a hand-in-waistcoat pose but it is very close to a hand-in-waistcoat pose – a symbol of good breeding – that Napoleon is renowned for.
Musical Reference of the Week – Okay so they didn’t play any song this week that I could play, but they did have a musical reference with which I must take issue – when Wendy mentions Manfred Mann’s “Blinded by the Light” and Tanner scoffs about naming another song they are known for – has he never seen Stripes???
Hidden Meaning? – Yeah Bobby was pissed at Spyros for blowing the meeting with the SEC Chair, but when he called it a ‘Fucking fugazi’,
Maybe Ayles and Wags Could Do a Two-Man Show? – so apparently Sean Ayles is someone who has an expanded wardrobe just as Wags does, given that he apparently performed in Hasty Pudding productions in college.
The Napoleonic Complex Award – is it me or are they using camera angles to make Krakow look particularly short? Almost like Lord Farquaad in Shrek?
How Did This Math Error Slip By??? – Thank you Tuk for the Math Mensa question “If FL = 6, and HX = 15, what does ES equal?” However, we have a problem. The difference between F, the 6th letter of the alphabet, and L, the 12th, is 6. The difference between H, the 8th letter, and X, the 24th letter, is 16, not 15. This algorithm is confirmed in the answer ES = 14 (E is the 5th letter, S is the 19th). Oops.
Mensa Math, Part 2 –
From the Mensa test Spyros took, question number 6 reads:
What number is missing from the sequence 2, 4, 12, ___, 240, 1440, 10,080?
The guys got it right when they put ’48.’ The reason being is that each term in the sequence is the previous term multiplied by the next consecutive positive integer, starting with 2.
1st term = 2
2 x 2 = 4 – 2nd term
4 x 3 = 12 – 3rd term
12 x 4 = 48 – 4th term
48 x 5 = 240 – 5th term
240 x 6 = 1440 – 6th term
1440 x 7 = 10,080 – 7th term
Best Muse – Wendy
This woman can inspire everyone! Whether it’s a trade, a relationship or even a troubled dynamic between a parent and child, this lady sure can bring out the best in those around her! Now, how they wield that power…..well, that’s up to them!
Biggest Sucker – Spyros
I had so many moments where I was actually cackling out loud, alone, in my living room watching this week’s episode. Every moment Spyros was on screen he was being absolutely wrecked by everyone around him. How can such a nice man play such a despicable and cringe-inducing character?
Limbo Champ – Chuck
How low can he go? Well, there’s no doubt in my mind that no matter how low you put that limbo stick, he’s gonna dart right under it. Punishing sex workers, throwing wine on priceless works of art…donating his own child’s kidneys? YIKES ON BIKES.
“I lost on Jeopardy” Award – Margolis
I didn’t spend 3 years jumping in and outta grand illusions to have my favorite TV show get trivia about Harry Houdini wrong!! (Yes, I was a magician’s assistant-I even have a title from the Houdini Club of Wisconsin under my belt-my name is on a traveling trophy and everything) Houdini did not die in his water torture chamber. There are some who argue it was poisoning, but most think that it was acute appendicitis that did this daredevil in.
CEO of Disassociation – Dollar Bill
When Spryos came out to announce his MENSA approval, Dollar Bill said NOTHING. Not a single word, the entire time. But man, the acting he did in that scene was PHENOMENAL. You could just FEEL the disdain rolling off of him. I liked to imagine he left his body, and remember that sweet sweet moment that he rammed his beloved minivan into that Porsche. And honestly, bud? Me too. I was there.
The “Well hello there” Award – Taylor
We love a good Star Wars reference, right? And Taylor chose a GREAT line by none other than Obi Wan Kenobi, referencing the “disturbance in the force” he felt when Alderaan was destroyed by the Death Star. LOVED IT.