Marry, Shag, Banish – Billions Characters

It’s game time!

Marry, Shag, Kill is a popular game in which players are presented with the names of three celebrities. Of the options presented, you must pick one to marry, one to shag and one to kill. But instead of killing, we’d rather banish to an island and instead of utilizing real celebrity names, we will play using Billions characters. Each of us has picked one Billions character to marry, one to shag and one to banish. You can play along, too, in the comments section or during your next road trip or dinner party!

So welcome to Marry, Shag, Banish: Billions Characters Version! Let’s get started.


Bobby Axelrod – I want to be legally committed to shag that boy more than once. The best way to lock that down ’til death do us part is to marry him. The perks aren’t half bad either 😉

Victor Mateo – I mean…

Todd Krakow – So annoying. He really wouldn’t know Pindar from Pantera.


Dollar Bill – Like it or not, most trustworthy man/woman on earth. Also, he is a provider. Even when he fools around, he will never let me down, neither the fool on the other side.

Definitely Wags – sexiest man/woman alive, period! The mustache, the smile, the childishness, sense of humor — it may not be a worthy list to shag somebody, but more than what one would need to have a beer with such a wicked character!

Lara – weakest link in the series. Oh, have they already banished her? Good.


#TeamTaylor extends to matrimony, for me. Loyal, kind, level-headed…and very stylish 🙂

I don’t know if it’s smart for me to explain why….but it’s Mistress Phoebe.

No brainer, even amongst the pack of ANIMALS that this season’s characters have become.  Even darlings like Mafee and Ben Kim are acting pretty treacherous. But no one’s treachery seems to match this guy.  I literally want to put him on a rocket and launch him into the sun every time he is on screen.


Lady Trader

Bobby Axelrod – Who else would Lady Trader marry except a fellow trader? The pre-nup he will have to sign will make sure that the new firm is called AxeL Capital (L for Lisa, of course!)

Bryan Connerty  – why not dabble on the dark side for a one night stand? I’ll just make sure not to bring him to the Feast of San Gennaro  on our date!

I’m going to have to banish Kate Sacker. She has been on my last nerve since Season 1. She’s as slippery as an eel, and just plain annoying!


Rebecca – If she’s good enough for Axe, she’s good enough for me. Actually, she’s kinda, sorta out of my league, but what’s the point of this if not to aim high? She’s beautiful, she’s filthy rich, and I would happily play the role of gigolo here.

Bonnie – Why? I own a minivan. ‘nuff said. Plus she’s got a killer set of … pipes.

This was a tough call, but in the end I had to go with Wendy. She has really gone off the deep end here. This season she is angry, vindictive, manipulative and dangerous. Yes she has been burned by Chuck, but she has done a lot of burning herself. She is too volatile now – I would not want her around. I never would have said that before this season, but she is in a bad place, and one I would not want to be a part of.


I know it may sound strange to some but, no, I would not marry Bobby Axelrod. And not only the show creator Brian Koppelman but also Damian Lewis himself know about it thanks to yours truly telling them! I just find Axe too dominant and possessive for my taste in romantic relationships.

The thing is I thought I knew whom to marry when we talked about playing “Shag, Marry, Banish” with Billions characters months ago…

Bryan Connerty. Good looking. Ambitious. Someone who beat the odds with good education. And someone who I believed always tried to do the right thing… well, until he did not.

Blinded by his hatred for Chuck, Bryan’s submission to Jeffcoat’s non-sense this season has been a huge disappointment. And I was so ready to give up on him when he kept quiet when Jeffcoat talked about “infected blanket.”

But as I was moving on to my “Marry” runner-up, Chuck’s words coupled with Bryan knocking at Dr. Gus’ door brightened the day! I trust Dr. Gus will bring back to life that idealist attorney who wants to do the right thing! We will need to work on his suits and I may need to convince him to travel to places other than Japan but, hey, don’t we look good together? 😀

Oh, and for those of you who want to know about my “Marry” runner-up: Mafee! He is a bit too earnest at times but certainly one of the good guys. And he’s very cute!

Bobby Axelrod – Well, I have only said I would not marry him 😀 So if the opportunity presents itself… why not? 😀

Jock Jeffcoat – It is no secret that from Jose Lugo to Federal Day to especially the “Infected Blanket” I am not a fan of the Attorney General.

But I mean, put business aside, this man does not even wash his hands after using the toilet. Ewwwwwwww. Jeffcoat is the kind of man who makes me carry a bottle of Purell in my purse at all times! I would banish him to an island and make sure that shit train also moves there with him 😀

Author: Gingersnap

Management Analyst, part-time Adjunct Professor and Computer Software Consultant by day and Damian Lewis aficionado by night.

12 thoughts on “Marry, Shag, Banish – Billions Characters”

  1. So, I really love this game! Damianista: your choices did not surprise me – and that is a good thing. It means I know you well!!

    Ginger: you and I will be sister wives, and I’m OK with that! And I didn’t see your choice of Victor coming!

    Lewisto and TTTWTD: I agree with all of your choices!!

    Hollie: Glad to have you back! I didn’t realize you hated Spyros that much! 🙂

    1. I enjoyed this so much but I was soooooooooo torn until Bryan came to knock on Dr. Gus’ door. If we had played it before Episode 9 then I would have definitely married Mafee 🙂 His loss, I think 😀 And yeah you certainly guessed whom I’d marry right! You know me well and I love it! And of course I guessed my husband’s choices for marry and shag completely right! Well, I think, after 25 years (dating + marriage) one knows her man well 😀

      Given that Gingersnap also likes Khal Drogo, I am not surprised about Victor. Neither they are similar characters nor they look alike and we never saw Victor in a relationship but for some reason I can see it! 🙂 And it seems the administration will lose two secretaries thanks to me and Ginger! 🙂

      Whoa, TTTWTD! Wendy?!?!?! That’s quite bold, man!

      Hollie, it’s so great to have you back – but I am not sure if Spyros is 😀

      Finally: my apologies to the sister wives for stealing the husband for a day 🙂 Cheers!

  2. I would marry Dollar Bill. He’s loyal, successful and obviously a good family man. 😉 It’s hard enough to have one family but somehow he manages to keep two families and wives happy (?!) despite they knowing about the other’s existence (how??!!). He must be doing something right.

    I would shag Wags. I feel like he’d be fun and up for a good time. He also comes across as very spontaneous and likes to try new things and experiences.

    I would banish Kate. I’m not sure what she stands for. Personally I like Kate – I see a lot of myself in her (someone who is pedigreed (ha!) and into public service) but in the context of the storyline I’m not sure what the purpose of her character is. I hope to see her play a more prominent role or at least incite some action in the men around her, if not, then I could skip the parts when she is on screen!

    1. Haha you’re not alone. Funny but my husband (Lewisto on the blog) has made the same choices for marry and shag.

      I really LIKE Kate, and like you, she is one of the people I can relate to in the show. I think she had a more critical role when she was Chuck’s minion because she figured everything out before everyone else. Right now, I think (and hope) she will be the catalyst that will make Bryan choose the right side 🙂

  3. As far as infected blankets go, Jock got his own, when the shit train stopped and started leaking in and into the hot Texas sun. Jock called this a “War Crime”. Exact words.
    I like Katie Sacker. My shag list would be Helena, then Rebecca, Bonnie next but she would be a nightmare. My unsolicited, unwarranted, unwanted advice to the ladies… Victor Mateo should top your shag and or marry list. Mafee is pathetic. Yechhh. Danzig has more potential. Ben Kim would be a great catch for the right woman. Asian probably? He is an “Earner” now and into the future. He is shy but has the brains.

    I am looking for, rooting for Dark Horse Victor Mateo to gain major redemption within a few episodes. Might be next season. Billions has been renewed btw.

    Thanks for the great list D, and all the above participants for baring your innermost lusts and desires. Just don’t go confessing to Wendy.

    1. Sorry Ginger, you originated this, so thanks. Maybe do this again in the middle of next season?

    2. You have a long shag list 🙂 If I were a man, I would definitely shag/marry Wendy. Dark Horse Mateo is not my type. I find Mafee very cute. In fact, Danzig is a serious contender, you are right, he has good potential. Just speaking of Danzig, Nathan Darrow is a brilliant stage actor. Saw him in Summer and Smoke with Marine Ireland. He is great.

      1. Wendy is much more cultured and educated than Bonnie, but both are too hot to handle. So no on Wendy. I missed last weeks show. I guess it got bumped due to Game of Thrones finale.

  4. Marry Wendy. That woman stands by her man.
    Shag Rebecca. She’s awesome.
    Banish Taylor. Character was outstanding for a long time but enough already. Axe should bury her.

Join the conversation!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.