Welcome back to our ‘Billions MVP Fanbook,’ a compilation post commemorating all those in honor of achievement for the utmost brazen, uber shameless, ultra scheming, unmatched bad asses to date – from sports references, music, and tasty food to pop culture remarks, shocking twists and ultimate paybacks.
In case you missed our previous awards, you can catch up with season four episode one, episode two, episode three, episode four and episode five. Now, let us continue with that tradition as we award our Most Valuable Players (MVPs) this week.
Here are our Billions awards for Season 4, Episode 6, “Maximum Recreational Depth.”
This was one of my favorite episodes. Which means I have a slew of awards to hand out!
Closure Award – Hello Lara. It’s good to see you again. Thank you Billions, for the closure. I needed that. Grab some surfboards, she’s going to Cali. #SurfinUSA
Millenial Mashup Marathon – “Samesies” (same) and “Jelly AF” (jealous as fuck) and “convo” (conversation)
— Billions on Showtime (@SHO_Billions) April 25, 2019
Nostalgic Nod – Axe and Hall giving me all the feels of a modern day Hardy Boys acting like amateur sleuths while they stake out Taylor’s lab.
Supreme Sypros – Spyros smelling his hand after Wags slapped it is priceless. And speaking of smelling ones hands, Spyros is now the new Mary Katherine Gallagher.
Axeceptional Bobby Blurb – “Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.”
Most Shocking Nipple Slip – Chuck’s. I cannot unsee this. I feel sorry for that safety pin.
Prepped, Primed, and Prettiest Pledge – Wags! Watch the transformation of “BeLinda Swags” back to Wags in this video here.
Worthiest Wags Words of Wisdom – Wags to Nussfaur and Grand Swipe: “My vengeance will come like I do…slow, thunderous, and in your eye.” Baahahahaaaa, man I love this show!
Best Line – Orrin Bach when describing how Taylor fucked (that being the operative word) Axe Capital regarding Victor’s satellite firm:
“Spacey-style. Sneaky and from behind.”
Hahahaha! Again, I LOVE THIS SHOW!
Best Response to “What do you do at Axe Cap”?: EARN! That’s right! That is what the Street is all about!
Best “First Time Up In Drag” Award: Michael Wagner, did you know that RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 12 is casting? So, Smokey Eye, Cherry Lips, Stilettos On! I’ll even lend you my Drag Name: Patti O’Dore!
Best Secret Squirrel and Morocco Mole Impression: Hall and Axe. On a roof. Spying.
Can You Give a Girl a Warning So I Know to Cover My Eyes: No, not Chuck in his underwear; no, not even Spyros smelling his hand (gross!) – Soccer. Just like before a show starts, it tells you the Parental Guidelines, I need a sports warning before I see that on my screen!
Perfect Poker Face – Wendy
It is impossible to read Wendy. When she gives a call to Taylor at the end of Episode 5, I give 50-50 chance to her being sincere – strategic. And I still think her first meeting with Taylor over ice cream in Episode 6 is sincere. But as soon as she hears about Taylor fucking Axe Capital “Spacey-style” Wendy realizes Taylor knows them all like the back of their hand. Given that their reaching out to Wendy after Chuck’s “I’m a sadomasochist” speech could also be a psychological trap, Wendy goes to her next meeting with Taylor with a strategic plan. And penny drops for me only when she calls Helena to tell her she needs all her files on Taylor Mason from two years ago. We already know Wendy can get as bad as her two boys when “survival” is concerned and her perfect poker face certainly helps!
Ultimate Sports Mention – “Futbol in this office, please.”
Thank you, Judge De Giulio! Well, the judge cheers for Inter Milan and I do for Liverpool, but we certainly speak the same language. As a huge futbol fan, I am as offended as De Giulio when people call the best sport in the world soccer. It is called futbol, people, FUTBOL 😀 And I believe Damian Lewis will agree!
Most Formidable Comeback – Judge Leonard Funt
Chuck apparently helped Funt’s son with medical school admissions years ago. And using that favor as leverage, he was able to have Judge Funt recuse himself from the Axelrod case in Season 3. From their conversation, it was obvious Judge Funt did not hold Chuck in high regard.
And I am sure the veteran judge has now taken immense pleasure in signing off on Bryan’s application for a wiretap for one Chuck Rhoades!
Loser of the Week – Michael “Cinderella” Wagner
I love this category and I was thinking about rewarding it to Mafee until all hell broke loose at the Kappa Beta Phi dinner for the “neophyte” Wags!
The pride. The preparation. The anticipation. All turn into humiliation like Cinderalla’s carriage turns into a pumpkin the moment Nussfaur says “Gorgonzola!” And, lo and behold, Wags’ picture is ready to get published in Page Six. As the Grand Swipe declares that Wags will never get a real invitation from the fraternity, Mr. Wagner should be turning in his grave. Yet, we all know Wags’ revenge against the “ambulance chaser” will be utterly delicious!
Saddest Moment aka End of an Era – Axe and Lara
Lara: “It’s nothing to be sad about, but for some reason I am.”
Tell me about it, girlfriend!
Lara, who constantly rubbed me the wrong way from her “Fuck Sandicot!” to her “Fuck Bruno!” in the first two seasons, grew on me in Season 3. She was brave enough not to stick to a marriage in which she was not treated the way she deserved. And while she knew Bobby’s impulsive reactions well, she always had the balls to speak her mind especially when it came to Bobby neglecting the kids. I also applaud her for not getting sloppy with Axe since she did not want to give false hopes to her children.
It is heartbreaking to see what remained of that once very strong relationship between Bobby and Lara: They are awkward, they are silent, they are almost strangers with each other. Cheers to better days!
Biggest Price Shock – I realize this is apparently an incredible ice cream shop and apparently a popular tourist stop, but $30 for a t-shirt? $50 if it’s long-sleeve? $69 for a hoodie? Obviously Axe and his ilk can afford such things easily, but if I were to make it there, and I would like to, I have a feeling I wouldn’t be able to afford anything more than a single scoop in a cup.
Best 80’s Sports Reference – Darrell Griffith – Dr Dunkenstein. A great, fun-to-watch highlight machine from my generation. Of course, had it been me, I would’ve gone with another phonetically-similar 80’s dunking machine and referenced Darryl Dawkins, Mr Chocolate Thunder himself.
Worst Back Seat Driver – Bobby. Look Bobby, very few can do what you do in the hedge fund world, but spying on people is not your game. But it is most definitely Hall’s game. Get out of his way and let him do his thing. (And to think in Season 1 I hated Hall, now I root for him all the time.)
Ultimate Wags Line – How can there be any question about this – and this may be the best one yet. “My vengeance will come. Like I do. Slow, thunderous, and in your eye.” I have to wonder who gets more joy out of these amazing lines of his, Costabile, or the writers?